I’ve always had a love hate relationship to change. No matter whether the change is good or bad, it terrifies me. I remember being a kid, scared before I started middle school and high school, frightened before going to university, I was even scared to go to Punta Cana this summer. I don’t like not knowing what to expect in a situation. The unknown is something I tend to stay away from, preferring to stay in a comfortable place.
And for the past two years, I’ve been real comfortable. Since I graduated university in 2009, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this life. I’ve applied to countless jobs, bombed more job interviews than I can count, worked my crappy part-time job in the mornings and wrote fiction for the rest of the day. It was painful, miserable, boring and lonely, but it was what I knew and it was safe. I was free to go on a few trips, and hit the gym every morning causing me to now be in the best shape I’ve ever been in my life. But I couldn’t keep living that life any more. So I’m making a change.
I’m going back to school.
It’s something I vowed I’d never do, because I’ve always hated school, but I’m desperate for a change. I need to learn more skills to get me the kind of job that will get me out of this city and to New York City. I’m so afraid about this change, I’m having nightmares. It will be an adjustment to be back in a classroom, having homework and essays to write. No more goofing around, having naps in the middle of the day. It’s time to focus, make some real moves and do some real work so I can have the future I want. It’s time to do something with my life.
The posts on the blog may slow down, but definitely won’t stop completely. 2012 is the year of change. I just hope it s a change for the better.